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His Way Works! |
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Lessons learned by a young husband and his Boo
"...insightful, meaningful, clear and honest. Dr. Phil has
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For classic columns by Lloyd Dennis, click here.
You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling… and here’s why!
This week dear friends of mine are contemplating ending marriage because they feel frustrated, unloved and unappreciated, as men, and I’m getting sick and tired of watching good people in good situations go down the same path and end in the same places, not because someone is bad and wants to hurt or doesn’t care about their partner, but because modern couples are completely ignorant about how to get the best from one another.
One of the downsides of the women’s movement is that it set up a competition between men and women and has infected our marriages with paranoia about being “used” on the part of women. Everything that follows only applies to people who are married. The legal construct of marriage exist to protect the interest of those who are willing to abide by the rules of fidelity in exchange for a sexual partnership and all that it produces, and it seems like men are primarily in marriage for sexual security and women for what the marriage produces, home, children, security and safety.
Don’t get me wrong, married men enjoy their children and their homes and the lifestyle, but it wasn’t their motivation for choosing a particular woman to be the one and only woman. Most men marry to have that chosen woman as lover, without worrying about aging, or illness or accidental infirmity (emotional security for a man). Many women may marry to be close to their lover, and women can enjoy sex as much as or more than a man once aroused, but for the most part women, once they have children become more focused on managing the household and nurturing the next generation, than being close to their lover.
So both partners come to marriage to satisfy their own needs, and before children, quite often the relationship stays very much as it was before the wedding, but now with guiltless, disease free and emotionally secure lovemaking, the honeymoon. Actually, once married, many men and women change almost immediately, women becoming household oriented, and men become more focused on career, as if preparing for the family that generally comes sooner or later. Neither is as much “fun” as they used to be. They are beginning to take life seriously, thinking about the future, but they still have time for one another.
Then the babies come, and all hell can break loose. Before they had children, most of the women I’ve talked to could not have imagined the changes in their body chemistry and personal priorities after the birth of their first child. In more primitive times or in societies that still practice polygamy, a new mother being overwhelmed with the nurturing instinct wasn’t an issue. Her mate would have one or more other wives with whom he could enjoy the physical intimacy of marriage, sometimes for years, while a young mother was emotionally focused on her child, but still benefiting from the support and protection of the husband she shares.
Actually, in my and previous generations (before AIDS) there was sometimes an unofficial polygamy. Once the man of the house put the bill money on the table on Friday, what he did for the rest of the weekend was his business. As in those primitive or different cultures, how many “wives” a man had depended on how many places he could afford to pay the bills. Pre World War II young mothers tended to have the emotional support and physical help of mothers, sisters and girlfriends.
During World War II women went to work and learned how to make money for themselves, and began to see themselves as more “equal” partners. They became less tolerant of their men “messing around” and began the march that led to long overdue equal rights for women, but unfortunately, in the process almost everything male was treated like evil or unnecessary, as though men’s needs and wants were automatically invalid. Romance was separated from consummation, and married men’s need for physically expressing their love is now often treated as “selfish”, or worse used as a bargaining chip to control some aspect of behavior their wife disapproves.
This was also the time that families went from extended to nuclear with only parents and children in the house, isolating young mothers from the help of mothers and sisters and others..
For women, intimacy starts with conversation, so husbands have to realize that making love is more than consummation. The dance of courtship is what we tend to call “romance”. Even in nature mating is a complex process of symbols, sounds, stimulus and reactions. Husbands must remember to begin the dance with symbols complements and conversation (dinner or lunch), but wives should understand that the dance of courtship doesn’t end with them feeling loved and appreciated, for when it doesn’t continue until the man feels loved and appreciated he will feel cheated, aroused and let down, rejected.
You can read these lines and say, “women shouldn’t need all that talking” or “men are too physical”, and fail to meet your spouse’s needs or you can enjoy one another as something different, feel better about one another, have more support of one another, and even be more tolerant of one another small imperfections. Invest enough time and attention to your spouse’s emotional and physical needs. That is what marriage means. Just remember, the children are going to grow up and leave you two together, or will you be able to stand the emptiness if your neglected partner is gone?
Love Doctor Column - Wait For the Light
We don’t fuss in the dark anymore. Now we just wait for the light.
Boo and I used to waste a lot of time and energy arguing, and too often arguing about things that might not even happen, or things that would be best determined when the actual circumstances were known, or things that would be settled once some additional information came our way. Now it seems crazy, but we even used to get upset and angry about some stuff, and unfortunately often it was impossible to know the truth or make a choice at the time.
It took me a while, but I’ve learned how to make my point and walk away when Boo and I disagree about something. I no longer argue. That’s right, whenever I say or do something and my life partner disagrees, I just let her disagree, and move on to something else. We just wait for the light, because disagreements between sane intelligent human beings are almost always the result of us having conflicting information and/or a different perspective.
In our first house, after a previous storm and flood my Boo and I argued about kitchen cabinets, my end worried about the budget, and Boo needed a certain quality and style. Well when it came time to actually buy cabinets, we bought the higher quality cabinets, but bought ceramic tile on sale. In other words, once I knew where the money was coming from, we had no argument, but I only knew that after we bought the tile. All our arguing was wasted time and energy, and possibly missed some lovin’.
This no arguing behavior eliminates much of the unpleasant time in our marriage, and we both still get the opportunity to express ourselves, and we communicate, but a difference of opinions is just that, a difference of opinions and until a situation illuminates us or new information supports or refutes one of our positions, we’ll tend to hold and guard our opinion, a fact that made our old debates just as useless as they were frustrating.
There are times when I “know” I am speaking truth, but because my wife doesn’t read what I read or observe and study the things I observe and study, she may not believe me, particularly because I have been know to deduce something and say it like it’s a fact. So my wife has good reason to question my utterances, and she does. I just had to learn to not feel badly when she challenges what I say, or waste time in argument, because I know she needs more “proof” then just me saying something.
Now don’t get me wrong, I never (hardly ever) lie on purpose, but I will put an intelligent guess out there as fact, sometimes to discover that I lied by accident. My good woman has caught me “theorizing” on several occasions over the years, so I can’t get upset when I speak gospel and she doesn’t bite.
This hasn’t come easily. I love to debate. To me debating is the sport of active minds, and I will engage at the drop of a hat, but I had to stop doing so with my lover, partner and wife, because it creates a competitive spirit rather than cooperative energy.
Almost as soon as I decided to disengage from arguments, I noticed a difference in the way we both dealt with our disagreements. We became more thoughtful, but instead of thinking about what to say next to “prove” our point, we both became more thoughtful about the other person’s point of view or idea. It was as if allowing one another the space to think something different made us more respectful of one another’s opinions, and our right to have a different view.
Sometimes when we disagree about something, I even find myself trying to figure out why Boo thinks or feels the way she does, almost creating arguments for her opinion in my own mind. What a switch and so much better for our marriage than trying to prove I’m right. When I know I’m right we may avoid the anger and frustration, but there’s still a thrill of victory when new light reveals that I was correct but I don’t feel half as dumb, when the glare of truth shows I was in error. (At least I didn’t make such a grand and loud fool of myself in the process of being wrong.)
When we have to agree its usually a decision that affects both of us, so rather than argue we find its better to negotiate, to make a choice that we are both willing to support or tolerate. Its funny though, because now after experiencing how peaceful life is when we aren’t trying to force our way of thinking on one another sometimes one or neither one of us cares one way or another, accepting that what the other chooses or decides will be fine, the ultimate expression of respect and trust.
And I guess that is the whole point, finally accepting that your partner, in any situation, when confronted with all the facts is intelligent and will be thoughtful enough to make reasonable choices that consider both your interest… except perhaps when it comes to the remote for the big screen TV. Everybody knows that HD and surround sound is wasted on all those girly movies!
Love Doctor Column - Forgot How To Have Fun?
One of the things I missed most after Katrina was the music, but lately, I’ve been getting my fill, and then some. Lately the performances I’ve absorbed have been over the top. Perhaps the performers also missed playing for people they knew, or maybe we all just missed Sweet Lorraine’s.
Fun is a major part of a great relationship. The ability to have a good time in the same place at the same time gives the later years of marriage a wonderful flow. For Boo and me, in addition to a shared appreciation for good company we share the sensual pleasures of delicious food and great music and are a bit adventurous about both. Even when we travel the fun is about those shared pleasures and of course the ongoing courtship that really keeps life interesting..
What’s really funny is that, we differ on almost everything else, but we can always have a good time if there is great music, delicious food, good company or any combination thereof.
I’m sort of a “geek”. I love people, but if left unattended, I can spend days at the computer writing, tweaking the machine, editing video, or photoshopping someone’s portrait perfect.
On the other hand, Boo would rather be out in the hot sun, preferably on a perfect beach but routinely fussing with our stuff, or playing with the grandchildren, and more recently reading (outdoors on the swing). That’s probably what we like about cruising and have begun to enjoy the “at sea” days more. I sleep late have lunch and take an afternoon nap while Boo explores every inch of the ship, walks her laps briskly, and goes swimming. I meet her at the pool as the sun goes down, we get dressed up for dinner, a show and dancing and hanging out and stuff.
I also figured out that being a geek all the time leads to a lonely life, so I come out of my cave with a vengeance every day and since the children are grown, and business is good, “we be jammin”. Our kids say we are “balling out of control”, and that brings me back to Sweet Lorraine’s.
A good part of that “ballin” happens at Sweet Lorraines, because it’s as intimate as it gets. Paul has taken the “hole in the wall” to world class. Same feel. It’s a “everybody knows your name” kind of place, especially if you tip well, and treat servers with respect. (And if you don’t why would anyone want to remember your name?). You can also get delicious food at very reasonable prices, and you get to hang out with nice people and people of note (Oliver Thomas was in the house last night), but let me get back to the music.
Angela Bell was awesome last night. Lately, every time we’ve seen the woman at the club, Boo and I have been completely blown away, but I also believe Angela was blown away. The relationship between performers and audience (which included some brothers in law) was part of the show. Angela had sweat her hair our in the first set.
Now let me tell you about second sets at Sweet Lorraine’s. When the audience hangs (as it did last night) the musicians show their appreciation, often with performances on a whole different level with anything that could have been rehearsed because they had never played it before.
Last week we caught Marlon Jordan, whose trumpet was on fire. Marlon is an intense virtuoso whose music can be as complex and forceful as it is tonal and melodic at other times.
The week before that Gina Brown tore it down. Gina’s show is polished and well rehearsed, but a packed house at Sweet Lorraine’s drove her and the band crazy. The second set was something to behold as an uninhibited audience and a tight band did that Sweet Lorraine’s thing on one another.
I’m writing this because I had lost the music. I had become so business, so focused on “getting there” that frolicking around in my mind with rhythms and harmony was a forgotten pleasure as was feeling a common sense of time and space as everybody else in the room, in concert, if you will. Fortunately, its like riding a bike and about five or six years ago Boo and I just stopped in and the rest is a history that led to Boo and I rediscovering something else we shared as fun, live music. And no, Sweet Lorraine’s is not the only place we go, but dammit, Paul has created a “vibe”, something not easily described but once felt easily understood.
And speaking of “Vibe”, when Boo and I want to get our dance on, we check out Captain Charles, because “there ain’t no party like an old school party” and if its not on the positive he just doesn’t play it and somehow that seems to attract people who just want to have a good time, and dance, a safer party. Yes, we try to dance at least once a week. Sometimes that’s the only exercise I get, and while I love live music, for dancing I like the mix because it keeps coming, and I can sing along without missing and messing up a great live performance.
We usually rest on Sundays… so its time for my nap. We were out late last night, Two hours of Angela Bell will wear you out! Life is good. You know as well as I that there’s no tired that feels as good as when you are tired from having fun!
LDL-431 Racial Cooperation in New Orleans?
If there is ever going to be an opportunity for racial cooperation in New Orleans, the rebuilding of the public schools is a grand one. In many ways having a “ground zero” event that completely disrupted and destroyed our failing system has given us a chance to address the deficiencies of the system on which most poor black children had to depend as their up ramp to opportunity in America.
Quite frankly, black people have taken high ground. When Paul Pastorek announced that Paul Vallas was his choice, the African American community rustled. The media warned both of them that blacks would never accept Vallas, and that the “race card” would certainly be played. Well it hasn’t. It turns out that Paul Vallas had credentials and a successful record in improving the performance of urban students, and even the staunchest black education activists bit their lips and took a wait and see attitude.
Even when the issue was raised that there was insignificant minority participation in the emergency renovations and construction projects that led to a successful and timely school opening day, leaders in the African American community bristled but acknowledged that getting the schools open on time didn’t allow the creation of a process for integrating minority and smaller companies in time. Now there are discussions and plans being made to make sure there is adequate opportunity for minority and smaller companies in the remaining rebuilding of the system.
At the same time, quite frankly, I am amazed at the acceptance by local whites of the idea that providing quality education for children who are poor may be the real solution for what ails New Orleans. They haven’t backed off their “criminal justice” mindset, but seem willing to see the Vallas reforms through, even though some of the concerns seem to be based on the kind of twisted perceptions that we call bigotry. There is a lot of concern that after the FEMA money is gone that the benefits of short term efforts will disappear, as if the fourth grader that gets up to grade level is somehow going to slip back after getting caught up, as if there is something wrong with his ability to retain knowledge. That perception has been a major part of the problem.
With the exception of the effects of Katrina, research will show that the children who are behind in school were behind the day they started. They were not taught vocabulary, colors, shapes, numbers or read to before they entered school. My point is that once the current population of children get caught up, all we have to do is make sure “at risk” children get “caught up” in pre-schools or worst case intensive kindergarten programs and even then only until our success with educating young people turns them into parents with capacity, broader horizons and upward mobility.
This win-win opportunity in the education of children who are poor can possibly heal New Orleans. A whole city becoming dedicated to all children learning and having world class opportunities can change the future into one with overflowing opportunities for everyone except those who own prisons.
We have to make sure that even if a young person cannot find employment here that they can be hopeful of opportunities elsewhere in America or the world, rather than giving in to the fast buck-no future life of crime that seems to be a primary refuge for the hopeless.
Think about it. If in three years most kids are graduating from high school, that means their children will be raised by high school graduates and kids in seventh, eighth and ninth grades will begin to assume that they will graduate as well.
Much of the stuff we fight one another over shouldn’t exist. High crime shouldn’t exist. Cyclical poverty shouldn’t exist. Homelessness shouldn’t exist, but a massive and expensive intervention was needed to change the education of children who are poor in New Orleans, and unfortunately without FEMA that commitment may never have happened given the political stroke of a hotel industry that has benefited from our failure because of the large pool of unskilled labor our public schools provided. Hotels having to compete for workers in a higher skilled more mobile workforce will raise their pay rates and every other business in town will benefit from the increase in local commerce.
And that brings me to the politics of running schools. Part of the failure of our school system was politics, too much of it. The system simply cannot support the politics of seven different political camps. It is too expensive and creates friction between elected members that very often interferes with policy issues. The African proverb goes, “When the elephants fight, the grass gets trampled” and quite frankly that is what has happened then add the black/white thing and the uptown/downtown thing and I hope you get my point.
I’m one of those people who were upset when elected officials were circumvented by the creation of the RSD. Every principal of American democracy dictates that the school system has to be accountable to the community it serves, but a seven ring political circus cannot be returned to power. It doesn’t work because it can’t settle its politics, but the loss of democracy is a slippery slope.
I’d like to see something like a board of six, two appointed by the governor, two appointed by the mayor and two elected at large by plurality. That should make for less political infighting because there are only four political interests at the table and if a simple majority of 4 is required then only two political interests have to be aligned, the mayor and the governor, or either of their teams aligned with the two at large. A city wide plurality in a regular election almost guarantees that elected members will tend to be racially different.
Imagine if we cooperate and educate all the children.
LDL430 – Xmas Gifts of Cash
They may call me “love doctor”, but that doesn’t mean that I’m sentimental, and anyone who doesn’t understand that Xmas shopping is the biggest retail hustle in America is either in shopping denial, was just born, or is brain damaged or extremely stupid.
Like cattle driven to slaughter, each year we are driven by guilt, misplaced love, habit or compulsion to spend our hard earned dollars or over extended credit on stuff that may or may not be appreciated by those for whom we bought it. If the gifts I have received over the years are an indicator of the usefulness of Xmas gifts, I would have to estimate that roughly half of the money spent on Xmas gifts is wasted, because the gifts are never used or returned. We’ll get back to that “returned” thing later.
No I’m not a “Scrooge”, but it really is about money, so I prefer to and we have a family culture of giving cash to young people on Christmas Day, and I’ll get back to that timing later.
We spend money like it is undesirable, and it is completely understandable, because most of us are convinced that self esteem and happiness can be bought because those are the constant messages we receive as we spend hours each day exposing ourselves to television commercials designed by experts to influence us in ways that make us feel like we “need” and will be more respected, desirable, and happier if we buy what advertisers are selling.
The truth be told, nothing provides self esteem, peace and happiness like money in the bank, but that is something many Americans will never experienced because we believe that happiness comes from converting money into stuff that has less or no value once we buy it, and all the messages we receive in the media from Big Business contain the lie, “that to buy is to be happy”, whereas the truth is “to buy turns your wealth into ours and that is why we spend billions to pay for TV shows that keep you connected to our commercials, that keep you believing that your life will be better once you buy what we sell”.
As black Americans we are as caught up or worse. Because so many of us suffer from low self esteem (no daddy love) we yearn even more for respectability and desperately spend or sometimes meager funds on the most expensive stuff available. Its often said that when America catches a cold we get pneumonia. If the rest of America overextends for Xmas shopping, sometimes we act like there is no tomorrow, and that brings me back to timing.
Giving cash at Xmas time gets more “gift value” for the dollar than buying stuff for other people. First, a cash gift will get 100% use rather than the 50% of bought gifts that were never wanted and never used, so giving cash ensures that you don’t waste your hard earned dollars on stuff that will just collect dust or get given to the mission in a few years. Secondly giving cash on Christmas day means that the recipients get to buy what they want at after Xmas, sale prices, rather than full retain, sometimes they can get twice as much of exactly what they like or want and it always fits.
I minimize my exposure to commercial television and have come to assume that when it is on or when I pick up a magazine or catalogue (or web page) that everything I am looking at is designed to make me feel like converting my wealth into their wealth will somehow improve my life.
I’ve also learned that the greatest misery and stress in life comes from wanting stuff you don’t have instead of appreciating what you do, and that everyone I know who is happy with life is happy with themselves, their relationships, what they do and how well they do it.
I really must be more careful because Big Business is watching, and if too many of you begin to think about the things I’ve put here, you might ruin this shopping season by giving cash instead of buying unused gifts and then having the recipients pay after Xmas prices instead of retail. And if you impact the Xmas season, I’m sure homeland security will have to look into it as a threat to our economy (national security), and how teaching people to think and save money is “thought crime”.
Actually, I’m going to admit that as a family we agreed to stop swapping gifts among siblings and spouses, and we all give cash to the kids, so now I know the “thought police” are coming!
Be even more subversive, become a revolutionary by starting a savings account and keeping some of your wealth for yourself, and vow to never pay full retail price again. Remember, in a capitalistic world there is nothing worse than being broke. Broke people can’t get sick, talk back to their boss, pass up overtime, deal with emergencies or enjoy five days of Jazz Fest and still pay the house note on time. Life is doing stuff, not having stuff.
LDL427 - Crossroads
Our journey is at a crossroads. It seems that the lessons we had to learn had to be learned the hard way. As a people we actually became a group only because we shared the same problem, white supremacy, and its impact on our lives by slavery and then by Jim Crow and now by substandard education and the biased enforcement of law. We as individuals also have personal issues, some of which result from the loss of successful family culture, when welfare replaced daddy for too many generations, and then some of us are greedy, lazy, spoiled or perhaps disabled by drugs (including alcohol).
One of the slants of perception we have is about our ancestors who came from West Africa. Most of us would see them as being “brothers and sisters” as they got on or off the slave ship. Perhaps when they got off the slave ship that common bond of oppression had begun, but it probably wasn’t there very strongly before our ancestors found themselves in interminable bondage. Even modern Africa has a diversity of language and culture, and genetically Africans offer more genetic variety than any other continent. The tallest human beings on the planet are Africans, the Watusi, and so are the shortest, the Mbuti, who are irreverently referred to as “Pygmies”.
The reality is that our brotherhood and sisterhood has been driven by our misery as an oppressed people, and what we have seen after the lifting of legalized Jim Crow is the opening of opportunity for those who were positioned with resources and culture that valued education and working hard to do well. This is the “family values” piece and the one that seems to disappear after a couple of generations of missing or irrelevant fathers. It is a serious piece of what we call a lack of “unity”, among African Americans. The truth is there are different priorities for parents who have the children’s futures as their highest priorities, and those who have never got established enough themselves to be able to do much to help their children.
Because I understand that choices that looked good for women with children years ago ended up creating a monstrous alternative culture that does not encourage marriage and the raising of children by their fathers, I cannot blame those in this most deadly cycle, but I’ve learned that all I can do is teach and support other people who make a difference, and none of it’s my fault. I had nothing to do with the creation of either racism or the welfare state. I help because people have helped me and I believe God wants me to, and He must because it just feels right, and there is a certain peace that comes from helping somebody, even though you may suffer stress and inconvenience in the process.
Is it now true that those of us who can buy homes have become so disgusted with the completely different nature of the baby momma culture that many have no more compassion for people who need to to be influenced, educated and trained rather than locked out, abandoned and left to repeat the cycle?
I hope we have also learned that we cannot continue to do “ballot” politics, where money and money politics dictates who gets on the recommended list. So I want to start a political movement based on a crazy idea called “doing the right thing”, with priorities that are completely about the future with children and family life being the focus. I believe that when we begin graduating scholars, life will magnify for everyone here. Rather than being in the “money game” around politics, I want to join hands with about a thousand people who will agree to support doing the right thing for the future with children as the focus.
Imagine the difference a thousand people who will not accept anything more than chicken and soda for their campaign effort can make to a candidate, particularly one who wants to be accountable to the voters, not money interest. We can no longer allow money to control politics. That is a lesson all Americans are now paying a high price to learn, as next generations tax money is being spent to make quite a few folk richer.
If you have any interest in joining me in creating an all volunteer political force to support doing the right thing for a prosperous future, please email me
LD@LLOYDDENNIS.COM… for the children.
LDL 423 - New hope for “New and Improved” Orleanians
At the beginning of the 2007-2008 school year I am actually excited about the possibilities for public school students in New Orleans, smaller classes, respectable facilities and technology in the classrooms, but I still hate how it happened. It took violation of our elected board, the destruction of the city, and the death of a state superintendent to create the present opportunity for reinvestment and revitalizing that seems to be happening in the Recovery School District.
I personally want to express appreciation to all those people who picked up the dropped ball at the end of the 2006-2007 school year and ran with it. The ball being a commitment to upgrade facilities and create smaller class sizes, and have it done for children returning for school for the 2007-2008 term. All certified teachers, new and improved curriculum and technology in the classroom are also supposed to improve the educational opportunities for what has been called “the leftover” children, those who weren’t included in the plans for charter schools.
The summary dismissal of New Orleans teachers by the Orleans Parish School is still in court, and I hope justice is done, but I am also grateful for those teachers who returned in spite of that slap in the face, and also to those new teachers who have come from far and near to contribute to our city. I only hope that you have been prepared to work with children who have not had what they’ve needed in school for years, and unfortunately, sometimes don’t even get at home.
One of the things that has me feeling encouraged is the exposure that both our children and their parents had in other communities around the country, and the fact that Katrina shook all our worlds. She made us all do things differently than we had done before, and my hope is that both the children and their parents see and understand that we can do things differently.
I’ve had reason to interview young people about their Katrina experiences, and one thing is clear, when we were out of town, on a school yard with Houston, Jacksonville, or Atlanta kids, we weren’t ninth warders, seventh warders or thirteenth warders, we were “those New Orleans children and people”. I’m not glad that Katrina happened, but I am grateful that so many of our children were at least removed from their comfort zones and exposed to other places and other people.
The people who are returning to Orleans have made a decision to get themselves back to their city, as a purposeful act of self determination, a choice followed by personal action. Katrina changed us all, and I believe most of us for the better. Like the old folks say, “Whatever doesn’t kill you just makes you stronger.” I believe that that is where we are today, a more toughened and more exposed people, even the children.
So I am hopeful about public education, not just because the grown-ups who administer education seem to be providing an improved school environment, but because I really believe that most of the folk who have struggled to returned to this city are more focused on possibilities and want more from life because they have tasted more and different.
The best way to improve New Orleans is to improve the education of poor and “leftover” children, and we may be on the verge of doing just that. The new state superintendent has accepted the challenge to rebuild or completely renovate all our school facilities over the next five years. Can you imagine all our children in decent classrooms, I’m beginning to, only because I see wheels turning, and clean and working bathrooms, and hot meals for our children.
Yes, I was one of the people who demanded that the bathrooms be fixed. I believe my words were, “How can you ask a little girl to act like a lady if she has to pee in public?” (without doors on the stalls). Well the challenge was accepted, and delivered, and people worked their butts off to make it happen. When I issued that challenge, I also promised to “call them out” if it didn’t happen, but it did. And because it did we can begin to teach children to respect themselves, by the example we have now provided. So I want to personally and publicly thank the men and women who would not accept “no” for an answer when it came to making sure children had decent bathrooms and hot food, and making us all seem more like responsible adults.
Mark my word. The children will respond. They are wiser as are we all.